Thanksgiving California Trip

The day before Thanksgiving Day and I'm on this crowded plane. Just got off a smaller one that I took out of Providence. I was reminiscing of how many ears I had left ringing with my talking to the poor person that had the unfortunate occasion to sit beside me. So this morning I get to see myself again. A young man about 35 years old, two years sober, sits beside me on this small plane. All excited that he knew me from speaking one night this summer in Charlestown. I really didn't care about meeting anyone I knew, for so long my trips were to see people I couldn't wait to see. I'm sure this made my world and my thinking very small, but I didn't care. I had to force myself to take today's trip. All dressed up in my new suit. Did meet this man in Chicago, I'm always running into. The Dunes Club was the last time I had seen him. I'd seen him before that, one time a year I get my car washed. So that little spirit I had left was used being glad I had my new suit on. The captain has just announced a later departure. The black guy sitting beside me says , "Oh shit!" I don't care one way or another. The man to my right is all covered with hair. Long grey beard and glasses like mine. A blue jean jacket. He may disclose his identity to me later. Tom stayed overnight and took me to the airport. He said how good I looked which I think is always very considerate of him. My nature is quite the opposite. I grumble a lot, like the main character's wife in WINDS OF WAR. I'm hungry, the hostess gave us some peanuts. I can't remember what day it is, but I'm sure it's time to eat. "Oh shit" had a Jack Daniels. The guy with the beard had a Bud. Why did I pick this smoking section? I bet they are drinking Perrier in the non-smoking section. The Captain has asked us to put our safety belts on. The stewardess checking our safety belts wakes up my Jack Daniels friend to put his on. Another "Oh shit!" This trip is just not going his way. We are finally landed but we are on hold. With the spray of spit, my dear friend on my left, utters out his final "Oh shit!", I have arrived in San Francisco to begin my vacation at my sister's home. Thanksgiving Day. I had a good night's sleep, but I could have done without the Mexican food. I will try to do better in the food department today. I opened my bedroom door about 5:45. Across the small hall, my sister Joyce opened her door. We saluted to each other's silhouettes. (My sister is not the early bird that I am). The target was to hit the 7 a.m. AA meeting down the road a bit. We made it with time to spare. I counted at least 45 people there. It wasn't the best meeting I had ever been to , but a good one. Joyce called Ruth Ann, our hostess, to ensure the turkey gets in the oven on time. Joyce prepared her creamed onions , she calls this bouillabaisse. It seems like turnip to me. Erin went off with her father to spend the holidays with his side of the family. For that matter, my own children are here and there. Kim's having a little capon with her new husband, then going to Edgehill to put on the NA meeting. Sounds like a great day to me. Tommy called last night to say happy holiday to me. He said he was going to his girlfriend's house for dinner. Jay, I'll be interested to hear how he spent his day. Sean and Tom were invited to Lynn's. Me, well you know I'm here in sunny California. Rituals are hard to break. All seems so strange at first. Change is hard. Courage to change the things I can. Sometimes it seems so safe to stick to the old rituals. Moving on in any area is very scary. We took a ride down to Sausalito. Walked around town. I had my eye on the fish 'n chips, but did not indulge. Settled down for a small piece of pizza and cappucino. Sitting here waiting for our next move is hard, but getting easier. It was about the time of Kennedy's assassination that I first came out here. Mom and Tom thought it would be a good idea for me to take some time off. I had been working harder and drinking more. Back then I arrived with a lot of grandiosity and a super ego with my wardrobe of white, and a white fake fur coat I had picked up in Las Vegas. There were a few horror shows for me, maybe no one else noticed. My sister and her friends were all much younger than I, so I'm sure my actions were not looked upon as alcoholic. At one point, I lost my pocketbook with keys to get into the apartment. Had to stay with the people I had been drinking with which was safe enough but embarrassing for me. I remember having the shakes, had to have a drink to calm down, I was full of fear. That was my first awakening of needing the drink to calm down my fear. Twenty-five years later, today, some of those fears are trying to get back in my head. Meetings are like a can of Raid. It sprays those little demons away fast. Thank you Jesus for this inexpensive way of freeing myself of pain, self-inflicted, I'm sure.

Copyright; Ruth Mahoney 25-Nov-87