Thanksgiving 1988

This is my first Thanksgiving here on Benefit Street. Remember?... I went to California last year. So this experience is brand new and has it's share of frustrations. I left "Pain on Sunday" with the decision to go out and eat. I've resolved to do what my feelings dictate to me. I'm opening a new folder and here's what's on it for this Thanksgiving of 1988: I woke up at 5:00 a.m Switched beds to where my t.v. is and let good old Charlie Rose take care of the next hour. He cracked me up when he mentioned his mother's name, Margaret Rose. After my black smack and shower (I rarely go off that part of my routine), I tried hard to stay home a little longer. But with no cooking to do, I took a walk down the hill to Lizzie's place--you know that place that's closed twice a year, and Thanksgiving's one of them--.did a few things, then took off, and walked to the coffee shop to see if it was open. Not a soul on South Main Street. As I walked I wondered, "Where have all the people gone?" Turning the bend on Wickenden Street, I could see a few cars in front of the meeting place, but no chairs in front of the coffee shop. At the crossroads again, I headed up Benefit Street. It was deserted, not even a jogger on the scene. Then this old car, with no muffler, just about making it up the hill, stopped. The person driving yelled, "Hey Ruth, want a ride?"
Who goes there? I yelled back
Me, Sean.
Not my Sean, but.a young fellow I know who had just left the meeting. "No thanks," I said.."Have a good Thanksgiving." You too. He started up again in the morning mist like Benefit St. was a runway, and he was the pilot of a single engine plane with serious engine problems. So much for the young. Oh yes, he did mention he was going to St. Pat's to volunteer his services. I thought about going over to my old group. There was plenty of time, the meeting wasn't until 10. a.m.. Every year at this time, I would have pies and datenut bread already made and displayed before anyone arrived for that Thanksgiving morning meeting. I'd pick up two or three fruit baskets at the Majestic Fruit Market to be raffled off. Yes, I had spirit back then. I met two more of my new family: Nancy, my upstairs neighbor who usually goes away on weekends, was walking with her friend. Good mornings were exchanged, then she asked if I was having Thanksgiving at my house
Nope, I said.
It's odd that the only people on Benefit Street were that one AA guy and my two neighbors. Terry and Sue, who live next to me, have just built a new home in Narragansett. He was going into his house when I was about 25 feet away. I waved. This time he says, "Who's that?" Morning mist must have gotten in his eyes too. As I got a little closer he said, "Oh Ruth. How's everything going in your place? Since he sold it to me, his concerns were genuine and family-like.
Fine, I said. "You staying here for dinner today?" Yes.
Nice You'll warm up the house. Then I went in my door. I should have invited him in. He's never seen the place with somebody living in it. In the old days, I might have called him back and invited them over for a drink. My living room was sunny; it was a lovely day. Inside my house, I felt a lot better than I did on that quiet walk feeling like I was the only one in the world. The parade was on the t.v., giving out messages that it was Thanksgiving Day. I'd been invited out to dinner by Tom and Sean. I've never been out to dinner on Thanksgiving Day in my whole life. I didn't like not having control of my day. As I look back, I was always in control; I always cooked dinner. Even with those pies I'd bring up to the meeting, I had to get there before anyone else. If one other person got there early, before me, my saintly mood would turn quickly to critical parent. Sure, we had some wise speakers who would say, "Bring your AA home." It was so easy to practice outside the home. I had till 4:00 to let them know whether I would be having dinner with them. To pass the time while I was making my decision, I put my capon in the oven, made some stuffing and a pie. It felt good. I wish now I had asked them to come here. I thought again of how easy it is to do volunteer work, or to go to the 10 o'clock meeting, or even to cook my own dinner. Each one of these things would change my lonely mood without a drink. Facing my feelings without these distractions was going to be hard. I wanted to grow today and face those painful feelings,.find out what they were all about so I would not have them next year to take over my day. Kim and Peter were having fruit and datenut bread at noon. Sitting there, I raised my coffee and toasted my family. Peter's grandmother was also invited. She was telling me about Jewish tradition and the spiritual rites of killing chickens. Having been emotionally involved with my own chicken for two days, and remembering how may times I questioned my mother's attachment to her chickens, I was very interested.. Her story was boring Peter, but I hungered for talk of the past. Maybe because the past was fading so. I really wanted to get a sense of how she was dealing with Thanksgiving as a widow at 78 years old. Tom arrived at Kim's looking very handsome. Kim told him so right away as he came in. If I go out to dinner with Tom, I could look at it as a new experience. My concerns too, were in the past; if the boys were angry with each other, how uncomfortable I would be... I had to draw from my early days in Alanon; every suggestion that was ever made, I'd have to use it today. I left Kim's with my decision made. Tom waited for me to dress, then we drove to pick up the boys. They were not ready yet. I held my own, and did not get nervous. First Tommy came up, showered and dressed with clear eyes. Then Sean, showered and dressed with clear eyes. Sean asked to borrow a tie, Tommy a jacket, and we got into the car. As both boys folded their long legs into the back seat, Sean remarked: "We got these legs from you, Dad" I said, "No other goodies?" We all laughed, and off we were for a 4:15 dinner in a restaurant not of my choice. We did not have to wait to be seated; the food came out in a reasonable time too. I felt like Jackie Onassis, at one of her first dinners in Greece with Aristotle and friends with nothing on the menu to my liking. She had nothing on my high standards of food and clothes, etc. Taking my inventory, I realized that I spent too much time on detail and perfectionism to notice that my children were always in the process of growing up. For once I put the quality of the company before the quality of the food. We dropped off the boys, then went to my pad to watch a little t.v. Each of us had a Dove Bar, that must have had some effect. We went to bed and slept like two satin ribbons, incidentally, for the first time since my man hit 60. 5:30 the next morning, I caught my Burt Reynolds dressed and ready to go out the door. Playing the part of Jill Clayburgh in "Starting Over," I ran after him, "Hey, wait a minute you! What do you think I am? A one night stand?"

Copyright; Ruth Mahoney November, 1988