Lollipops

I've put my red velvet hat on, and feel I will never take it off. It gives me at least two inches of extra height and makes me look younger. Even makes me feel safe. A blue butcher apron over my small hips with these awful brown stockings on my feet, I curl up in my wicker chair. I'm out of it. Still life goes on. My cheesecake cooks on like nothing outside that oven is going on. Earlier this morning, I slipped into Catone's Funeral parlor on Broadway--my old stamping grounds as a kid--to pay respects to Lollipops. That's what I used to call her. Lollipops had one eye that sometimes went in another direction. She was on the plump side, by today's standards, and loved a good time. She had a glass of wine in her hand lots of the time that just seemed to look natural. She was 82, and after enjoying Christmas dinner with her family, she returned home, had a few pains, and was gone. When I first heard Lolli had died, I thought Lollipops can't be old enough to die! I stepped out of the funeral parlor, only to find life was still going on. Decided to skip the church and the gathering of friends and relatives and go directly to the living. The man delivering the liquor was depressed; I gave him a hug. The man that forgot the cream; I gave him hell. Mom took a new vacuum out of her car as a gift to Elizabeth and herself. I was put out of my office while Tony had a new client. I took two dollars out of the cash register and headed for the coffee shop. It looked as though there was a meeting going on. The AA's had taken over the place. In my window seat sat Mary. We had been exchanging our experiences, strength and hope together, and I was hoping she was there. We started in with our Christmas experiences but ended up with the life and experiences of St. Augustine, his concept of damnation and faith and the hard times in which to hold on to faith. My response was that these are hard times for me today: no longer wife or mother, living alone, what is the point of living? Hard times --St. Augustine quoted it, Tolstoy quoted it, and I quoted it. Yet in that smokey coffee shop, Mary speaks of St. Augustine and I renew my faith in the mystery that this journey that gets so dark and lonely, will if I believe in Him who say, "Do onto others as you would have done onto you," will someday lead us to the city of the Lord.

Copyright; Ruth Mahoney 30-Dec-88