Fine Investment

It wasn't "Field of Dreams"-- I went in crying-- just like I did one afternoon to see "Golden Pond." The pain of the situation with work and the little social life I have has caught up with me. I have called for help from one of those therapists. They too, like baseball, are in the big leagues. Seventy-five dollars said this lady I talked to, but you can be reimbursed by Blue Cross. I once heard a good doctor say that your family was the best source of support. Only in cases where the lines of communication were either closed or one had no family was it necessary to seek help elsewhere. Can this be true? I have a family, I tell myself through my tears: four sons and a daughter. But I cannot bring myself to call anyone of them. At least I am crying, that may do the trick. I haven't cried in a long time. This is not self-pity, although I know it sure could look like it. I've really lost my way and it has me down for the moment. By five there will be a meeting that will help. At eight, there will be the Nar-anon meeting. They will have to be my temporary family. I wanted to call my oldest son, but I'm too vulnerable. I can't trust that I will be heard. What is this stuff with mothers and children? I know that there are times when I don't want to be with mine. Are they feeling the same way about me? If so, why? What is it we do to one another that separates us? We, who were so close once. Is it the parent that makes the young adults feel that their freedom is threatened when they are around? I have felt my freedom in jeopardy when my mother is around, but they tell me I allow this. So rather than work on this character defect, I feel uncomfortable or stay away from her. Could this be the way my children do it too? If so, what do we do? Pay the lady $75, or meet and have a good dinner instead and try to support one another in our moments of crises? The dinner is a good idea, but I'd like to include a new set of communication skills. The Road Less Travelled speaks of discipline and lack there of. In the past, I picked up many a dinner check for all the wrong reasons. My food addiction came first, then my ears fell asleep after my stomach was filled. Today I see the gathering at the dinner table as prime time to catch up with the people I love but do not see that often. Last night, one of these dinners was planned by the parents of my granddaughter for all the right reasons. She had graduated from high school, and they felt it would be supportive to have some of the family for dinner after the ceremony. My granddaughter and her boyfriend were anxious to have dinner and then get on with things that kids do on graduation night. Still, this did not take away from us-- the concerned adults in their lives-- from having a wonderful dinner and chatting about our own lives. Getting acquainted with my granddaughter's new family-- her stepfather and his parents--was not as hard to take has I had imagined it would be. My son paid the check, and I watched him like he was a stockbroker making a fine investment.

Copyright; Ruth Mahoney 7-Jun-89